As part of our Signs of decline series, we look at how to have difficult conversations about care with the wider family. While everyone in the family wants what’s best for their loved one, there can often be different views on what that looks like. Some may think it’s time to look at care for the elderly options, while others may believe the person is still coping fine at home. These conversations can be emotional, but open, honest communication helps ensure decisions are made with compassion and understanding.
Should I involve other family members in the conversation about care?
It’s natural to wonder if you should talk to other family members about your concerns. Including the wider family is usually for the best. Involving others means that everyone feels included and it avoids misunderstandings later. Family members who live further away may not have seen the signs of decline you’ve noticed, so they might not realise how much things have changed. Sharing your observations can help them understand the situation and support your loved one better.
Make sure the conversation is about finding solutions, not placing blame. Everyone will have their own worries and ideas about care for the elderly options, so it’s important to listen and stay calm, even if opinions differ.
How should I prepare for a conversation about care with the wider family?
It is important to prepare for the conversation about care in advance, think about what you want to say, how you think they might react and what outcome you are hoping for. Be aware that it is likely to be an ongoing conversation over several days, weeks or even months.
Before you meet, think about what you’ve noticed and what worries you most. Write down key examples of your loved one’s difficulties. Also, think about what your relatives might not see. If they don’t visit often, they may not realise how much support is needed day to day.
It might be helpful to note down any questions you’d like to ask, for example:
- Who can help with daily tasks?
- How can we share responsibilities fairly?
- Should we look for additional support?
You may also want to explore care for the elderly options in advance. Having an idea of what support is available as well as associated costs may help make the discussion more focussed and practical.
How do I start the conversation about my relative needing care?
It might be helpful to begin by reminding everyone that your aim is to keep your loved one safe, happy and as independent as possible. This shows that you are looking to find ways to support your loved one and not trying to take over.
A good way to begin is by focusing on your concerns. You might say, “I’ve noticed Mum seems a bit more forgetful lately,” or “Dad seems to be struggling with meals.” Using examples of signs of decline, like missed medication, poor hygiene, or confusion, can help others understand what you’ve seen.
Work your way through the questions you have prepared in advance as well as sharing any research you have done. Make sure your relatives have the opportunity to share their thoughts and concerns and encourage them to ask questions.
